Buffy the Slayer Vampire
by daviderl31
Summary: Buffy is turned into a vampire. Angel suggests to Willow that she reensoul Buffy in the hopes that she won't be just another killer vampire, but with Slayer strength.


28 Nov 2004

Buffy the Slayer Vampire 

**1**

Dawn pushed open the door.

"Angel's here," she said to Willow, who was sitting in the chair next to Buffy's bed.

Willow looked up at Angel with a look of unimaginable sadness. Then she got up and met him halfway. They hugged briefly, then he went to the bed where an incredibly pale Buffy lay.

He looked down at the unconscious love of his life.

"How did this happen?" He asked. "Who did this to her?"

The anger in his shaking voice was evident.

"We don't know. We asked her, but . . . ."

"Spike! It had to be Spike! He's the only vampire she trusted enough to let get close enough to do this."

"It couldn't be Spike," Willow contradicted him. "That chip, remember? He can't hurt or feed."

"What if it stopped working, or malfunctioned? You don't know."

"But Spike hasn't been around for more than a week. No one's seen him. And this happened only last night. Besides I'm not sure if he could do it even if Buffy let him – which I'm sure she wouldn't."

"You're sure it was recent, and not . . . ?"

"Positive." Dawn answered. "When she left yesterday evening she was fine. But when she came home early this morning, she … she attacked me."

"Attacked you? Where?"

"In the kitchen. Buffy usually was getting home a little after midnight, but it was almost four o'clock this morning when I heard her calling me."

"_**Dawn!"**_

"_**Buffy? Is that you?"**_

_**Dawn opened the back door and flipped on the porch light. She could barely make out a figure standing well away from the light.**_

"_**What are you doing in the back yard?"**_

"_**I can't come in. I'm all covered with blood, demon blood. Why don't you just toss me a blanket out here? I'll just sleep on the porch for now, and tomorrow morning after it warms up some, I'll strip these clothes off."**_

"_**Buffy, don't be ridiculous. Come inside."**_

"And right after she came in, she attacked me, just like that."

"She needed you to invite her in. Even though Willow is living here, it's your home."

"After that little fiasco with Harmony, that's what I figured. Anyway, while I was trying to get away from her I was screaming my head off!"

"That's when I came running into the kitchen." Willow said. "At first I couldn't understand what was going on, but when Buffy looked at me with that vamp face, I knew. I used a bit of magic to throw her against the refrigerator and away from Dawn, but she just bounced off it like it was nothing and went after her again. So I used the Thickening Spell to stop her."

"I called Giles," Dawn said, continuing the story. "But he's on some kind of retreat up in Scotland somewhere, so I just left a message.

"Then we called you." Willow added. "But you were out, so we left the message with Fred."

"That was some message -- 'It's Buffy! Tell Angel to hurry!' We didn't know what was going on."

"Well, I didn't know what else to say without saying over the phone that Buffy was a vampire. You never know who might be listening in. Anyway, after that we called Xander, who called Anya, and they both came over here."

"Of course, we were, and still are, pretty shook up about it." Dawn said. "And it didn't help any with Buffy cursing and threatening us nonstop. I didn't realize she knew those kinds of words."

"Eventually, we decided to sedate her rather than keep her floating in the middle of the kitchen." Willow went on. "I don't know what it was, and I don't want to know, but from somewhere Anya got a really powerful tranquilizer and a hypodermic needle and we put her out."

"Willow took off the spell and Xander carried her upstairs and put her in bed, then just to be on the safe side, in case she woke up unexpectedly, we tied her down with those straps."

"Are you sure they're strong enough?" Angel asked. "I would imagine with her Slayer strength added to vamp strength she's almost twice as strong as she was."

"Not to worry." Willow assured him. "I put a bit of Mojo in them. Not even Glory could break them."

"Glory?"

"Hell-god. You know, when Buffy died?"

Angel nodded as he remembered the day Willow was waiting for them in the hotel to give them the tragic news.

"You said you asked her who did this?"

"Yeah, while she was still in the kitchen. But she just kept threatening us."

Angel sat on the side of the bed. He caressed her cheek and felt no warmth to her skin.

"She needs blood." He said. "Has she fed at all?"

"We don't think so. After the first injection wore off we tried to give her some pig's blood but she just spit it out."

"Yeah," Dawn added. "She spit it in my face. It felt like needles. We thought about using an IV while she was out, but we didn't know where to get the needle and the tubing."

"And you have no idea of who did this?"

"None. Not a clue. But somebody at Willy's might know."

"What's Willy's?"

"It's a demon bar downtown." Willow answered. "I figure that whoever turned a Slayer would probably be bragging big time about it to all his vamp buddies. And I also figured that you could probably get more out of them than any of us could."

"Okay. I'll check out this Willy's. But if Buffy wakes up before I get back, let her stay awake. I want to talk to her."

"Sure."

**2**

As Angel walked into the bar he was aware that all eyes were on him.

"You Willy?" he asked the bartender.

"Nope. Willy's gone."

Angle nodded, thinking of a way to elicit the information without letting on that Buffy was now a vampire.

"Gimme a beer."

"We got some human blood, fresh from a hijacked shipment from the blood bank. Or pig's blood if you'd prefer, or …."

"Just the beer."

"Sure. Comin' right up."

Angel took a couple of sips from the frosted mug.

"So, anything going on?"

"Such as?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

"How about if you tell me what you're lookin' for and I'll tell you if I've heard anything."

"It's nothing in particular. I was just wondering about the latest rumors going though the demon community."

"Not much. Just your visit with the Slayer. There's some speculation you two might be teaming up again. Got more than a few vamps and demons worried, let me tell you."

"How do you know I was with the Slayer?"

"You were spotted as soon as you hit town, and they followed you to her house."

"And that's all?"

"All I know. Any truth to it? You and the Slayer tag-teamin' again?"

Angel gave the barkeep an enigmatic smile.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Angel left the bar convinced no one knew anything about Buffy's "condition".

**3**

"She's awake. And not a real happy camper, either."

"Did she say anything?"

"Nothing I'd care to repeat, but maybe she'll talk to you."

Angel started up the stairs then turned back to Willow, who was right behind him.

"Give us some privacy?"

"Sure. Just holler if you want anything."

Angel started back up then turned around again.

"You say you have some pig's blood?"

Willow nodded.

"Let me have it, maybe I can get her to drink."

Willow went into the kitchen and got two jars out of the refrigerator and put them into the microwave oven for sixty seconds.

Angel took the almost body-temperature blood and headed upstairs.

He stopped outside the door, listening, but the room was quiet.

"I know you're out there!" Buffy called out. "Come on in, Lover."

Angel opened the door, went in and shut it behind him.

"Hi." He said. "How're you feeling?"

"How the hell do you THINK I'm feeling? I'm starving!"

"Got some blood here, if you're interested."

"More of that pig shit? No thanks."

"Suit yourself."

Angel put the jars on the dresser and went over to the bed and sat down in the chair next to it.

For several seconds neither spoke, just looked at each other.

"So, who did this?" He finally asked.

"Does it matter? What's done is done."

"Was it Spike?"

Buffy laughed out loud.

"Spike! He couldn't get so much as a taste on his best and my worst day!"

"So, who?"

"Who cares?" Buffy asked, annoyed that they all kept asking her the same question.

Then her "attitude" change.

"You know, I could probably remember if you'd get these damned – get these straps off me. They're beginning to hurt."

"Be glad to, in another half hour, after the sun comes up. Wouldn't want you diving out of the window, now would we?"

"I wouldn't do that. This is my home. Why would I leave?"

"I'll make a deal with you. If you drink the blood, I'll have Willow release you."

"You act like you don't trust me or something."

"You did attack Dawn."

"But I had just been turned. I was scared and confused and disoriented. You know I could never hurt Dawn. I could never hurt any of my friends."

"You're a vampire, Buffy. You don't have any friends, or family."

"Look, how about if you give me just a little human blood. Not much! Just enough to stop this craving."

"Can't do it. Don't want you to get the taste of human. It's the pig blood or nothing. Take it or leave it."

Buffy tried to make sure her hate and loathing and disgust for Angel, for all of them, wasn't showing on her face.

"Fine." She finally said. "Give me the pig's blood."

"You have to drink both jars." Angel said as he retrieved them from across the room.

Buffy's vamp face showed only as long as his back was to her.

Angel opened one of them and put a straw into it and Buffy started sucking on it.

Despite being completely unsatisfying, it was gone in seconds. Angel opened the second and offered it to her.

Buffy balked momentarily, steeling herself, not wanting to gag on the disgusting liquid, then she drank it down.

"There. That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

"No." Buffy lied. "Not bad at all. Now will you let me go?"

"Just a few more minutes. Just as soon as the sun hits the side of the house."

They waited, looking into each other's eyes, looking for … something. Neither wanted to talk.

When Angel saw the sun shining behind the drawn curtains, he called for Willow.

**4**

"You're sure it's okay?" Willow asked, unsure.

"It'll be okay. She won't go out of the window. And she can't get through me."

Buffy smiled to herself at Angel's overconfidence and stupidity.

"Okay."

And with a wave of her hand, the magic was gone from the straps. Buffy feigned weakness as she "tried" to free herself.

"You mind?" she asked Angel. "They're still hurting me."

Angel easily broke the straps binding her hands, shoulders, hips and legs.

Buffy sat up in bed, taking a deep breath she didn't need.

"I guess I really scared you guys." Buffy said, looking from Angel to Willow, and hungrily at Dawn, who was standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry. And I know you still don't trust me, but you'll see, somehow I'll make it all up to you."

"So now what?" Angel asked.

"I'd like to talk to Dawn, in private, if you don't mind. There are a few things I need to tell her. Sister things."

"Can't do it." Angel said. "Can't leave you alone with her, not just yet."

"I understand. If you have to stay, then I guess I have no choice. Willow, would you mind stepping outside for a few minutes? I want to talk to you, too, but there are some things I need to say to Dawn first."

Willow looked at Angel, who nodded that it would be all right.

"Okay." She said to Buffy.

"I'll be in the hall." She said to Angel.

Buffy put her feet on the floor as Dawn and Willow passed each other, with Willow closing the door behind her.

Just as the doorknob clicked Buffy put one hand in the middle of the bed and like a whirlwind she spun on her extended arm, catching Angel full in the face with both feet, propelling him toward the window. But her aim was off and the unconscious Angel bounced off the wall next to it.

And in the next second, Buffy dove at Dawn, who ducked underneath her. Buffy did a quick forward roll and was right back up, facing Dawn, who was now holding a cross with both hands out in front of her.

Buffy hesitated only for a fraction of a second, then dove over Dawn, bounced once on the bed, then rebounded feet first off the wall, and back toward her sister, who was still in the process of turning around.

But just as she was stretched out horizontally, Willow once again captured Buffy with the Thickening Spell. And immobilized her mouth as well, not wanting to hear the profane invectives sure to be coming from her.

**5**

Willow helped Angel to his feet.

"Should have seen that coming!" He said, pissed off at himself, and glaring at Buffy suspended in the air.

"It's hard not to trust someone you care about." Willow said to him.

"I care about her, but I didn't trust her." Dawn said.

"How did you know to bring the cross in with you?" Angel asked. "Not that I'm criticizing, you understand."

"I was listening at the door. And when she was saying how confused and scared she was, I knew she was lying. When she tricked me into letting her come in she knew exactly what she was doing."

"Good thinking." Angel complimented her. He then turned to Willow. "Are you just going to leave her there?"

"I don't know. What should we do? What do you want me to do?"

"Any of that tranquilizer left?"

"Enough for one more dose, although I guess Anya can get more if we need it."

Willow prepared the syringe and stuck the needle into Buffy's butt. It took half a minute before she was unconscious.

"The first time she went out in seconds." Willow commented, mystified.

"She's probably getting immune to it."

After allowing the unconscious Buffy to fall down onto the bed, Dawn brought up rope from the cellar. And Willow magically strengthened them.

"We need a plan." Dawn said. "We can't keep her tied up forever."

"I know." Willow answered. "But what?"

"There is one thing." Angel said. "You can put her soul back into her. That might keep her from killing. Worked for me."

"Yes, but only because of the memory of the hundreds you … did in. As far as we know, Buffy hasn't killed anyone. She won't have that to keep her from … you know."

"Maybe we should let her do it, just once, just so she won't want to any more."

"Dawn! We can't do that -- sacrifice someone hoping Buffy won't want to kill again." Willow was shocked at the suggestion.

"She might have something there. It may be the only way."

"You can't be serious! Let Buffy kill an innocent person?"

"Maybe if we find someone who's dying anyway, like in an auto accident. Or maybe a really evil criminal, like a mass murderer . . . ?" Dawn suggested.

"No! No! No! I will NOT be a part of something like that! I'd rather keep her just like she is, or locked up in a cage somewhere."

"Fine." Angel said. "We don't let her feed. So then what do we do?"

"We'll figure something out. We still haven't talked to Giles. He may think of something we haven't."

**6**

Willow hung up the phone. Her conversation with Giles didn't take very long. She could tell he was barely holding it together at the news about Buffy.

"He didn't have any suggestions at all?" Dawn asked.

Willow shook her head.

"No. I don't think was able to think straight. It was as much a shock to him as it was to us. Half of what he said I couldn't even understand. I think he was trying not to cry."

"I still think you should re-ensoul her." Angel said. "Maybe if we take it one step at a time we can figure something out."

"You might be right." Willow grudgingly admitted. "I can't think of anything else to do."

"Will we still have to keep her tied up – down?" Dawn asked, concern in her voice.

"I don't know. I don't know how she'll react with her soul back. Except for Angel, I don't think it's ever been done before."

"So, how will you do it?"

"Pretty much like I did when I put your soul back into you. Burn some smelly incense and herbs, light some candles to form a sacred circle to surround an Orb of Thessala, do some chanting; the usual stuff."

"Can we do it now?" Dawn asked impatiently.

"Once we get the herbs, some incense and candles. And I'll need an Orb of Thessala. Anybody know where we can find one?"

"Call Anya. If anyone knows, she will."

**7**

Willow carefully placed the five candles around the Orb, arranging and rearranging them until she was satisfied they were as far apart from each other as they were from the Orb. She was using a card table set up next to Buffy's bed, brought up from the cellar where it had been stored.

Anya was preparing the various herbs and incense according to Willow's instructions, ready to light them when directed to.

Xander, Dawn and Angel were standing by, feeling helpless. But there was nothing for them to do.

Finally, Willow was ready.

"When I did this the first time, I had Oz recite passages in Latin," she explained to no one in particular. "But since I'm so much more powerful now I can do it all myself. Anya, I want you to light the herbs first, then the incense, just to clear away any evil spirits that may be hanging around. And a minute or two later you can light the candles."

Anya did as instructed as Willow started a low, sing-song chanting.

For several minutes no one spoke or moved. Then Dawn leaned in toward Angel and whispered, "It sounds like she's saying the same stuff over and over."

"She is." He whispered back. "First she has to get the attention of who, or whatever she's trying to contact. She has to repeat its name over and over, along with the standard supplication declarations."

After a few more minutes, Dawn whispered again, "What's it mean?"

"I'm not sure exactly what language that is, but it sounds vaguely familiar. I think I can translate the gist of it."

"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte." Willow intoned.

"I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request." Angle whispered.

"Nici mort, nici al finite . . . ."

"Neither dead, nor of the living . . . ."

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la."

"Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry her soul to her."

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!"

"So it shall be! So it shall be! Now!"

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!"

Willow's tone and rhythm changed.

"Vetsche invadoria disparu! Alesh ashtoreth!"

"You know, this sounds like a combination of languages. Some words are familiar, but some aren't." Angel whispered to Dawn.

"Geth na haroth castellum tol. Quod perditum est invenietur. Nisi mort. Nisi al finitei. Te invoc, spirit al trecerii."

"Te implor doamne. Nu ignora accasta rugaminte lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta sufletul la."

"Este scris aceasta putere este dreptul poporuil meu de a conduce."

"ASA SA FIE, ACUM! ACUM!"

Suddenly, there was a blinding light that was gone in less time than it took to blink. And the air was cleansed of the smells of the incense and candles.

Everyone looked at each other, at Willow, and down at Buffy. She didn't look any different.

"Well! Did it work?" Xander asked.

Willow looked to Angel. "Angel? Does she have a soul?"

"Yeah." Angel answered, strangely subdued. "She has her soul back."

For several moments no one else spoke.

"That's a good thing, right?" Anya asked. "She not a homicidal killer anymore? She isn't, is she?"

"We don't know." Willow answered.

There was more silence.

**8**

"Buffy," Willow said, a bit timidly, "If we untie you, you won't do anything bad, will you?"

"You won't try to kill us all right where we stand, right?" Anya asked.

"Can we trust you?" Angel asked.

"What do you think?" Buffy answered with a tinge of sarcasm in her voice.

"We don't know." Xander replied. "That's why we're asking. We're still your friends, you know. We just that is "

"I think we should keep her tied up." Dawn declared. "Until she can prove she can be trusted."

"And just how am I supposed to do that while I'm tied up?"

Dawn didn't have an answer.

Downstairs the telephone rang.

"I'll get it." Dawn volunteered. "Don't do anything until I get back."

A minute or two later she came back upstairs.

"Angel, some guy named Gunn wants to talk to you. Said it's important."

Angel hurried down to answer it.

Five minutes later Angel was back in Buffy's room.

"I have to leave as soon as the sun sets. There's something going on in L.A." He explained. "Gunn wouldn't give me any real details, but whatever it is, he's worried, and that's not like him. I think you all have everything under control here."

"Sure." Willow answered. "If you have to go, we understand. I think we can handle things from now on."

"Sure we can!" Xander said. "And we'll keep you posted; let you know how the vamp Buffster doing."

"Run on back to your little world." The contempt in Buffy's voice was obvious. "We're doing fine here. Just peachy."

Angel gave Buffy one last look, then went downstairs to wait for sunset.

**9**

Dawn was sitting in the chair next to Buffy's bed, staring at her. Buffy was sitting up with her head against the headboard, her eyes closed. She was still tied up.

Finally, Dawn said, "Buffy, will you look at me?"

Buffy barely opened her eyes and rolled her head toward Dawn only far enough to see her out of the corner of her eye.

"Buffy, do you love me – still love me?"

Buffy's eyes opened just a bit more, but she didn't answer.

After ten or fifteen seconds Dawn said, "Well? Do you? Do you love me? Or Willow? Angel? Anybody?"

"I don't know how to answer you." Buffy said slowly.

"It's not a hard question, Buffy. Either you love me or you don't."

"It's not that simple." Buffy's eyes were completely open and she was looking directly at Dawn. "I don't know how I feel."

"How can you not know how you feel? Either you feel something or you don't."

"You don't understand . . . ."

"You're right! I don't understand. So why don't you explain it to me?"

"I can't explain it because my feelings don't make any sense to me. It's like they're – jumbled up. I don't feel things I know I should, and at the same time I have other feelings I can't understand. And then, they change all around again."

"So, you're saying you could still love me, but don't know it?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders.

"So, if I untied you, right now, would you kill me?"

"I don't know. Part of me wants to rip your throat out and suck you dry. But at the same time I know I shouldn't because it -- it's wrong to kill you because you're my sister."

"So, you're saying you wouldn't kill me because you shouldn't, not because you love me? Well, isn't that just great?"

Dawn jumped up from the chair and ran from the room.

"Dawny!" Buffy yelled after her. But Dawn ignored her and a half second later slammed the door behind her, and she almost ran into Willow.

"I was . . . just coming up . . . ." Willow stammered. ". . . to see how . . . if you wanted . . . some . . . anything."

"You were listening at the door! Weren't you?"

"No! Well, kind of. I was just curious to see how she was doing."

"Well I guess we both know. You heard what she said. She doesn't know how she feels. She doesn't know if she would kill us or not."

"Yes, I heard, and so did you, but you weren't listening."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Let's go downstairs so she won't be able to hear us."

After they entered the kitchen, Dawn demanded to know what Willow meant that she heard but wasn't listening.

"You heard what she said, the words, but there was more to it than that."

"What more?"

"Dawn, when she told you those things, do you think she was lying to you?"

"No, I guess not."

"I don't think she was either. And that means her soul is trying to re-establish itself back into her. She could have lied and told you she loved you and would never do anything to hurt you, and she might have even talked you into untying her. But she didn't. She told you she didn't know how she felt or what she would do. And that's a big, big step forward."

"I suppose."

"And did you hear what she said when she called out to you while you were running away? She called you 'Dawny'. She wouldn't have said that impulsively if she didn't feel something."

"So, she's getting better?"

"I think so. We just have to give her a little time, that's all."

"How much time?"

"That's hard to say. But I think you, all of us, but especially you, should spend as much time with her as possible. And I say that for two reasons. One, is because the more she's around us, and realizes we still love her even though she's -- changed, the quicker she'll come around. And she might even get chatty enough to tell us what happened."

"And the other reason?"

"Well, she's now a creature of the night. She'll want to sleep during the day. So we have to make sure she stays awake, and only sleeps at night."

"Makes sense."

Dawn waited a few seconds, then asked, "Does this mean there's a new Slayer somewhere?"

"No. You should know that. Buffy's out of the loop. Faith's the one who has to die before a new Slayer is chosen."

"Oh." Dawn felt a little better. She didn't like the idea of a new Slayer being created by Buffy's death.

"There's something else." Willow said, changing the subject again. "Xander and I were talking about it a little while ago. With no Slayer patrolling, it looks like the Scoobies are back in business."

"I suppose that means just you and Xander and Anya? And I get to stay home?"

"Someone needs to be here with Buffy."

Dawn didn't argue. She knew they would never let her go patrolling with them.

"Too bad Spike's not around. I'd feel a whole lot better with him patrolling with us."

"Willow, you don't think it was Spike who did this to Buffy, do you? I know you told Angel . . . ."

"No, it wasn't Spike."

"How do you know?"

"Because if he was the one who sired her, he would have been with her when she came home, and they both would have attacked you."

"Good point. What do you think he'll do when he finds out about Buffy?"

"Gosh! I hadn't even thought about that! I don't know what he'll do. Try to find out who did it, I suppose. Other than that, I have no idea."

"You think Buffy's getting hungry?"

"I'm sure she is. You want to take some blood up to her? She might appreciate it, even if it is pig's blood."

**10**

During the next few days Willow kept Buffy company while Dawn was at school. Then Dawn would sit with her until around six when Xander got off work and would come over. And Dawn would stay with her while Willow and Xander patrolled. Anya would sometimes come over with Xander but then would go home, not wanting to be out half the night walking through cemeteries.

At first it was hard for all of them to find things to talk about since Buffy rarely spoke. They often reminisced about the good old days of high school. Sometimes Willow or Dawn would read to her.

On the fourth day, after Willow had given Buffy her noon-time quart of pig's blood, which she still disliked but was getting used to, Buffy actually started a conversation.

"So, how's the patrolling going? Blowing up vamps and demons left and right?"

"I did that a couple of times, but it wasn't so great. Now, I just slow them down while Xander does all the staking."

Buffy gave Willow as sarcastic smile.

"And I'm sure he thinks he's doing it all by himself."

"No. He knows what I'm doing. But sometimes I wait a bit. He's actually getting pretty good at it."

"And none of the vamps suspect there's no real Slayer around?"

"Well, once in a while we'll let one go and I'll use a Glamour so I look like you. They're not real bright, you know."

"Don't get too confident. Some of them are smarter than you think, particularly the ones that have been around a while."

Willow smiled warmly.

"Thanks for the heads up."

"No problem." Buffy answered with a smile of her own.

"Spike hasn't been around." Willow said, changing the subject. "You have any idea where he is?"

"No. Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But unless he's got himself staked, he'll show up. He always does."

Willow nodded in agreement.

**11**

Early Saturday morning, Dawn brought Buffy's breakfast blood to her. After it was finished, Dawn started untying the ropes that had bound Buffy for almost a week.

Buffy looked at her suspiciously while her legs were freed but didn't say anything.

While Dawn was untying the ropes around her hips and chest, Buffy asked, "How can you do that? I thought Willow put a spell on them."

"Only to keep you from breaking them. Anyone could untie 'em."

Buffy put her hands up so Dawn could get to them.

"Why are you doing this?"

Dawn hesitated, the resumed her work.

"Willow thinks you're ready. And if she thinks so, it's good enough for me."

As Buffy rubbed her wrists, she looked toward the open door.

"She's right outside, isn't she?"

"Yes."

Buffy nodded, then sat up and put her feet on the floor.

"You want to come downstairs with us?"

"Sure." Buffy said.

She stood up and stretched, twisting her shoulders, rolling her head around.

"A little stiff," she said, then walked out of the bedroom ahead of Dawn. Willow was standing near the top of the stairs.

"Hi," she said. "You okay?"

"As well as can be expected."

Together, the three of them went down the stairs, Buffy first, followed by Willow, then Dawn.

She walked into the kitchen where Xander had finished a stack of pancakes and was drinking a cup of coffee.

"Morning," he said cheerily, as if nothing had ever happened.

"Hi." Buffy replied.

And then things got silent and awkward.

"I suppose you told Angel you were letting me go." Buffy said after a few seconds.

"Yeah." Dawn answered. "He said if we thought it was okay he didn't have a problem with it."

More awkward silence.

"So, what do you want to do?" Willow asked with forced brightness.

"I don't know." Buffy didn't share Willow's enthusiasm.

"Want to watch a movie?" Dawn asked. "Or … something?" Her voice trailed off.

"I guess … no, don't want to watch TV."

"So what do you normally do on a Saturday morning?" Xander asked.

"Probably sleeping after a long night of patrolling."

"Your laundry's beginning to pile up." Dawn suggested.

"Yeah, I guess I could do that."

"Buffy…." Willow started to say, but still at a loss for words.

"It's all right. I can find stuff to do. It's not like there's never any housework that needs to be done. Maybe I'll clean out the cellar."

"Yeah! I can help." Dawn volunteered.

"If it's all the same, I'd rather do it by myself."

Dawn's face had a mixture of disappointment and relief.

"Just until I can get used to the … new me. You understand."

"Okay, sure. Everybody needs time alone."

Buffy gave them all a weak smile, then headed downstairs.

On her way down she absently flipped on the light switch, but didn't even notice the light bulb was burned out. She could see almost as well in the semi-darkness as in broad daylight.

Buffy sat down in an old, overstuffed chair that should have been tossed out months before. She lay back, closed her eyes and went to sleep, waiting for sundown.

**12**

Buffy slowly opened her eyes. It was nearly pitch black; the sun had set. The cellar was deathly quiet but from upstairs she could hear voices, and music.

She slowly rose from the chair and cautiously went to the foot of the stairs, then carefully and silently climbed to the top. She paused, listening. The music was louder and the voices more distinct; there seemed to be maybe six or seven people all talking at once, and laughing.

Buffy eased open the door a few inches and looked through the narrow slit. She didn't see anyone, but she could now hear the sounds of ice tinkling in glasses, and she could smell food – chips and dips and pizza and sausage and dozens more finger foods.

'They're having a party?' Buffy thought to herself. 'Strange.'

Buffy closed the cellar door behind her and walked into the dining room. Everyone was there, and they were eating and drinking and talking and laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves.

"Buffy!" Willow yelled out to her, "Come on in!"

"Yes, do join us." Giles said to her.

'Giles? What's HE doing here?' she thought.

Suddenly everyone spoke at once, inviting her into the group – Anya, Dawn, Giles, Spike, Willow, and Xander.

Giles went over to her and hugged her tightly, expressing over and over how glad he was to see her.

As they stood together, locked in an embrace, Buffy became aware of the smell of his blood as it coursed through his jugular vein. Hot, enticing, irresistible blood.

And without a moment's hesitation, Buffy changed into her vamp face and buried her fangs into Giles' neck, piercing the vein and sucking the blood from him in seconds.

As her former Watcher fell dead to the floor, everyone stood transfixed, unable to move, watching as the horror before them unfolded.

Then one by one, Buffy, moving with incredible speed, visited each in turn, draining the life from them until only Spike was left standing.

"Welcome to my world, Love." He said calmly. "Dru would be proud. Hell, I'M proud of you. Finally those annoying Scoobies are gone for good. Something I was never able to do."

"Should – should I have turned them?" Buffy asked, unsure.

"Why? Why would you want them to wake up?"

**13**

"Buffy, wake up!"

Buffy jerked awake. Standing in front of her was a black form, backlit from the light coming down the stairs from the kitchen. But she knew it was Dawn.

Without thinking, Buffy leapt up from chair. Such was her speed that when she grabbed Dawn by the shoulders they both traveled half way across the cellar to end up with Dawn flat on her back, Buffy in full vamp face on top, ready to sink her fangs into her sister's exposed neck.

"BUFFY!" Dawn screamed out, terrified. "STOP! DON'T!"

Like she was suddenly hit with a bolt of lightening Buffy threw herself backwards off Dawn, shocked and horrified at what she was about to do.

Dawn immediately scrambled to her feet and ran up the stairs, slamming the door behind her.

Buffy stared up at the door, unable to move, watching the slit of light across the bottom of the door.

How long she stood there, she didn't know. But she knew she would have to face them sooner or later.

She cautiously went to the foot of the stairs, then carefully and silently climbed to the top. She paused, listening to the voices – fear and agitation in Dawn, confusion and concern in Willow, uncertainty from Xander, and irregular, panic breathing from Anya.

Buffy eased open the door a few inches and looked through the narrow opening, she didn't see anyone.

Buffy closed the cellar door behind her and walked into the dining room. Everyone was there – Anya, Dawn, Willow and Xander. They turned to look at her, unsure of what was coming next.

Buffy almost asked where Giles was.

"Dawn," she started, then stopped. She wasn't sure what else to say.

"Dawn," she then continued, "I am SO sorry! You have no idea how .. how horrible I feel, how ashamed and disgusted with myself I am. I don't know what happened. I was having this dream, and suddenly you were there and I lost control. And I …."

"I think we should tie her up again." Anya interrupted. "She's clearly a danger to all of us. I don't relish the thought of any of us waking up with our throats torn out by a Slayer vampire."

No one else spoke, but they were all thinking the same thing.

"She's right, you know." Buffy said. "I thought I could control these – urges. But it's obvious can't."

"But you DID!" Willow contradicted her. "As soon as you realized what you were doing, you stopped! Dawn just surprised you, that's all."

"I don't know. It just happened so fast. The next time I might not be able to stop in time."

"See?" Anya exclaimed. "She said 'the next time.' I think we should tied her up so there won't be any next time."

Willow turned to Dawn.

"Dawny, what do you think we should do?"

"Why are you asking HER? Our lives that are on the line, too. Xander! Tell them! Back me up here."

Xander looked back and forth at each of them, unable to make the decision.

In frustration, Anya slapped Xander hard on the arm, then crossed hers, muttering just loud enough so the others could hear her. "Maybe we should just stake her and be done with it."

Willow took a frustrated breath and turned back to Dawn, but before she could ask again, Buffy said quietly, "Maybe Anya's right. Maybe the best thing to do would be to just kill me. Then none of you would have to worry about me … killing you."

"No!" Willow, said flatly. "That is NOT an option!"

"Why not?" Anya asked. "She said it herself."

"Do YOU want to do it? COULD you do it?" Willow retorted.

"Sure. Just give me a stake and point me to her."

"We're not going to stake her." Dawn said, looking directly at Anya. "And I'll kill anyone who tries."

Anya crossed her arms again, pouting.

"Willow's right." Dawn continued. "It was dark, and I just woke her up too fast and she was surprised. But when I screamed, she stopped. It could happen to anyone."

**14**

Dawn and Buffy were sitting alone on Buffy's bed. They wanted to talk. The feelings were there, but the words weren't coming easy.

"I'm sorry, Dawn."

"I know. You don't have to keep saying it."

"It's just … it was so easy to attack you."

"You were surprised, that's all. You didn't know who, or what, it was."

"But that's just it, I DID know! I knew it was you, but I still went after you. I wanted to rip your throat out and…."

"But you didn't. You stopped yourself, remember?"

"But I shouldn't have attacked you in the first place! You … you don't know how hard it is, not killing, not feeding. I have to control myself every second, every microsecond. I'm afraid that one little slip, one moment of weakness and I'll be just like all the other vamps I've killed. Just like them."

"And the thing is," Buffy went on a few seconds later. "No one can help me. No one can get inside me and keep me from doing what I so desperately crave to do. No one."

"Sounds kind of like Willow was with her black magicks, or Anya's Vengeance Demon thing, or when Oz would turn all wolfy, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it does."

"See? Everyone has their demons inside, just dying to get out."

"How did you get so smart?"

"I had good teachers – my mom and my sister."

Buffy gave Dawn a warm, sad smile and caressed her cheek.

"You know, I think maybe I can do this. It'll be a struggle, but with all my friends, and my family with me, I think it'll be okay."


End file.
